Saturdays are our family days at my house.  Yesterday I wanted a baked patatoe for dinner, so we headed out to Walmart.  After we had all we needed, grabbed a bunch of stuff we didn't need and were about to pay for it all when we realized my mother's purse was gone. 

Someome stole it.

So we walked around searching, looking in other's baskets, talking to workers and departments until our legs hurt.  We just decided to leave because it was too late.  Outside it was storming really bad.  We searched for our red minivan until we realized it was gone.

the purse had keys to the van-with a remote.  Whoever it was has my mother's social security number, keys to our house, our address is somewhere in the van, money, everything but her cell phone.

I never thought it would happen to us.  My family was stuck at Walmart and we had to bum a rie off of a family friend from church, Decan Davis. 

Of course we contacted the cops, the credit card companies and insurance peoples.  Want to know something weird? I had a deja vu of being in the Millington police's office.  I had seen it all in a dream. 

Some family day.  And all that becuase I was out of my fancy facial cleanser and wanted baked patatoes.

Today is Mothers' Day!  That is something good.  And at my church we celebrate it as women's day-so all young women and moms got presents and "Bless you"s.  That was cool.  The weird thing here was that Antonio asked my mom to go to a Mothers' Day concert with him and he'd pay. 

Antonio is a kid that goes to my school and he is a church member.  And awfully friendly, might I add.

So currently, my mom is watching First Sunday (rolling eyes) with my niece in the living room.  I'm here and being grateful for the stuff that guy didn't take-he could have had my house, you know.  Thank God.

I've taken up a lot of crafts, like making purses.  Some friends saw mine and want me to make them one.  I'd show you, but Vox isn't accepting these pictures.

I've also taken up knitting just a few hours ago.  I'd better continue-it's a fun hobby.  Confusing, though when all you have are youtube videos to instruct you, but I got the hang of it and I never thought I'd be a fast learner.

Oh and I found an article that would describe what I'm feeling about religion right now:  Cosmo May 2008 it's called "religion by design" Here's the closest thing I found- http://jezebel.com/384817/cosmo-girl-choosing-a-religion-is-just-like-choosing-a-myspace-wallpaper  

 

Which life lesson do you wish you'd learned sooner?

In order to have an honest answer, I would have had to actually learned something from life.  The only thing I've really learned is why it's worth loving people when it hurts when they leave-they always do, or hate you later or...die.  It's wabi sabi.  You know, that Japanese philosphy?  It's all about the beauty of things imperfect (life), temporary(love) and simple(me).  Loving someone won't last forever and that's what makes that time more beautiful-because especially after death-you won't have that time again.  So it's worth the pain.  I guess I have learned one thing.

It's the end of the world.  Oh no, just the school year-even better.  Today band members had what is called podium day-basically senior goodbyes.  My band friends were all crying in fourth period.  There were year books and free time in classes wher you'd been busy in all year.  Next week in choir there will be parties (yes, plural).  People are giving stuff away like free choir shirts (I got one) and hugs and "I love you"s and simple stuff that makes us happy.  I'm in a hurry to turn in my assignments and take exams.  I think I'll be fine this summer-not seeing too many friends until next year and all.  aNd even then some people are moving and seniors are doing what they do.  Next year most of my friends will be juniors.  I like that.  I'll be in more clubs.  That's great. 

I haven't listed much in a while, so...Summer goals:

1. Go visit Aaron and Ashley.

2. Get rid of my niece.  (I meant that as a joke-she's kinda cool.  Maybe I'll miss her when I'm lonely)

3. ACT. 

4. I am looking at the Orpheum thing.  I just want to see my friends and people I don't know-I hope there won't be a lot of people from school there.  I hate seeing them somewhere else.

5. Write more interesting blogs.

6. Don't forget to blog.

7. Piano lessons.

8. Quit drum lessons.

9. Maintain a healthy weight.

10. survive without getting bored.  Perhaps keep in touch with friends.

My parents are going to some out-of-town church function, so I'm babysitting.  As soon as I found out I typed up a little scavenger hunt for my niece.  This will keep her from in front of the television, in my room, my parents room and my nerves. 

Next, she'll bathe and when she's out she'll watch movies like:

 

<It's all about a sleepover at the end of the school year.  And a scavnger hunt-how appropriate!  My niece should like it.

About a girl who isn't happy about life and wishes to be older.  She discovers how great she had it.

\/

 

And finally...

<A modern version of the classic Disney movie.  With Chad Michel Murry.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

After that I suppose we should...feed our plants in the backyard.  Or journal or something, if it's not her bedtime yet.  I've got to use this time I have to do some assignments-I like to turn in things early out of my selfish pride.  Oh well.

That feeling is back again...what I blogged about last.  It's definitely NOT depression.  Tonight I feel scared and sad and it's really creepy.  Sometimes really bad for a few minutes to the point of tears.  Almost like something terrible is going to happen.  It's like:

Lacrimosa dies illa       That day of tears and mourning

Qurisurgent ex favilla     From When ashes shall arise

Judicandus homo reus  All humanity to be juged

Huic ergo parce Deus.  Spare us your mercy oh Lord.

-Mozart.

a total of all of my "symptoms"

1.  having to pause and breathe really deep or else I'll get nausia.  Some times rocking back and forth helps

2.  moments where I can't concerntrate on ANY ONE THING

3.  sudden fear, sadness, loneliness, depression- sometimes a great deal in a few seconds and then it fades for a while and then gets intense.

It's not an anxiety attack or stress.  It comes usually after a great day our a fun activity.  It think I'm going to try to talk to someone-but who?  Hmmm...I have absolutely no idea.  My parents would just pray for me and leave it at that.  What kind of doctor deals with this stuff?  ...or conselor?  Ugh.

 

Depression Test

Depression is one of the most prevalent and serious mental illnesses in the world today. Approximately one in four women and one in eight men experience at least one bout of depression in their lifetime. Depression is a biological illness, one that often has a devastating impact on behavior, thoughts and feelings. Although depression can be triggered or worsened by specific events or problems as well as depressive thought patterns and personality traits, medical research has shown that it occurs as a result of a chemical imbalance in the brain. Almost every one of us has, at one point or another, experienced feelings of unhappiness, "a blue mood" that could be associated with a disruptive life event - but true depression entails a pervasive feeling of sadness that impairs our general functioning and lasts for more than two weeks.

Snapshot Report Worry about Judgment of Others  63 When you experience a setback or problem in your life, one of the issues on your mind is what other people will think. You may believe that others take pleasure in your problems, that they feel sorry for you, or that they are otherwise judgmental of you. Unfortunately, this attitude can lead you to feel worse about your problems than you need to. It also means that you may be less likely to seek comfort from others when you are in emotional pain.

??

I don't know what it is; no matter what I do I have this painful lonliness in my chest.  Especially after doing something great.  I've ignored it for at least a week, now, but it's getting worse.  I've done some research:

Symptoms of depression include:

• Trouble sleeping or excessive sleeping
• A dramatic change in appetite, often with weight gain or loss
• Fatigue and lack of energy
• Feelings of worthlessness, self-hate, and inappropriate guilt
• Extreme difficulty concentrating
• Agitation, restlessness, and irritability
• Inactivity and withdrawal from usual activities
• Feelings of hopelessness and helplessness
• Recurring thoughts of death or suicide

I've got seven, but I've always been fascinated with death.  It's like I look at someone happy and then it hurts.  I do something fun, but it doesn't go away and gets worse afterwards-probably because it's over.  Even reading gives me this feeling.  Maybe it is just loneliness.  I have it now because I feel like a dork-blogging about my emotions.  Who DOES  that?  Besides Taylor, that is. 

	Anxiety Index
Your score = 83

What does your score mean?

According to your score on the Anxiety Test, you are quite anxious - more so than most people around you. Your anxiety seems to have become problematic in your day-to-day life. It could be holding you back from doing necessary things, putting a damper on experiences that have the potential to be wonderful, or causing some problems in your relationships. The good news, though, is that you can change. Step one on the road to recovery is realizing that suffering from anxiety is not your fault. And know that you are not alone - a large percentage of people suffer from various degrees of anxiety. Consider talking to a professional who can help you get over your anxious feelings.

1.  I'm still doing necessary things(unless you count a few things)

2. yes the second is true.

3. the people around me (who I scare most) know I'm insaine with my moods- that's just me, doesn't count.

4. I don't have great relationships-that's why I'm lonely.  Nobody knows me at all.

This is how I feel-somewhat:

 

And all of these...

It's also like when I try to be happy or see hapiness I feel sad and when I try to think of why I'm so sad I'm happy.

these are the main symptoms of emo-itis.

Memphis in May was great.Imagine...
The smell of alcholhol, cigarettes and everyone smelling as if they'd peed themselves. The feel of the rain on your face as you scream lyrics to every song. the lights and the thunderstorm on cue to every heart-throbbing vibration the band makes.  Honestly we were standing in rain with the lightening and everything. Jumping up and down to the beat as you are COVERED in rain, your neighbor's beer, and probably some drunk chick's pee. Enough second hand smoke to give you cancer just that night. your recording device in the air waving around catching everything to share with friends later.

And Gerard way telling you "I'm not wearing any f****** underwear!" 

It was awsome (except for the pee part).

A lot has been happening and I am very greatful for it all, but at the same time things are getting so boring.  I have had nothing to do afterschool since Wednesday.  No kidding.  I

've watched the shows on television.                     

    

I've sang all the songs on my iTunes.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I've read the books in my shelves.

 

I've watched all the old movies, done all the crafts, thinked all my thoughts(yes, I said that on purpose) and hobbied out all of the hobbies.  And I still don't have anything to do for fun.  It's so bad I actually did my homework...at home.  What's next, I work on reports early?!? 

I wish I had something like All-West Honor Choir to work on.  Or a novel to write.  If only I had a wild passion for something.  Something that you could never get board with-something fresh.

Oh wait, I do.  Music.  Maybe I could decide which job in the industry is right for me.  I could write a song or two.  That sounds like fun.  I'll just take an old poem, glue myself to my piano's seat, focus and throw mood swings at anyone who happens to walk by.

I'll write some lyrics now, to warm up my creative cap.

 

 

And I know this sounds so fake, but isn't that what we really are?

Running around, playing give and take-you know you've never gotten far.

I've got all this time for these tempting thoughts that are swimming in my skull

to change me.

I've got all this time for these terrible plans that are swimmnig in my skull

to actually persuade me.

Who knows?  I just might let them take over. 

People change.  When you love them they leave, or die or change.

Why can't I?

 

----

Corny, I know.  I don't usually write poems, I just enjoy them.  Plus free verse writers miss some great challenges.  Ugh.  I'll continue in a notebook.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Research shows changing your perspective from first to third person is an effective strategy for increasing motivation. Try it; maybe you'll achieve your life goals!

Increasing motivation doesn't have to be expensive, difficult or scary. Achieving your life goals can be as easy as changing your perspective from first to third person.

Can changing your perspective from "I" to "she" or "he" actually improve psychological disorders? Perhaps that's asking too much – but psychologists have found that changing your perspective helps people achieve life goals such as weight loss or saving money.

An objective third person perspective not only increases motivation, it can also influence your "interpretation of past events" says Cornell psychology professor Thomas Gilovich. "Looking at yourself from an outside observer's perspective can help accentuate the changes you've made more than using a first person perspective." This works in increasing motivation to change, which will propel you towards achieving your life goals!

What Research Shows About Increasing Motivation

In research about increasing motivation, study participants recalled past experiences with or memories of psychotherapy from either their own perspective (first person, using "I") or an objective point of view (third person, using "he" or "she"). Volunteers then considered how much change or growth they experienced since the event. Those who remembered the event from the third person perspective reported more progress – and they also acted out more positive behavioral changes – than those who recalled memories from the first person. Increasing your motivation can be strongly affected by a change in viewpoint.

Remembering events from the third person makes you perceive more changes than if you remembered in the first person, especially if you're specifically looking for changes or the achievements you've made. So, increasing motivation and achieving life goals may be as simple as changing your perspective.

How to Increase Motivation in Real Life

What life goals are you striving towards (or wish you were working on)? Think of your first step or hurdle towards your goal. Take writing a book, for instance. When you're increasing your motivation, don't say "I wrote three sample chapters and drafted a rough book proposal." Instead, say "She wrote three sample chapters and drafted a rough book proposal." Increasing your motivation helps if you pretend you're your own mother, and marvel a little at how much you've achieved!

It's worthwhile to note that in his study, Gilovich used situations in which making personal change is likely. What about those people who aren't likely to change or who think their goals are impossible? What if they thought of themselves and their goals in the third person – would they actually see changes or steps towards their goals? The research isn't clear, but it seems that increasing your motivation works when you want to change.

Changing Your Perspective to Achieve Your Life Goals

Life – your past achievements, future goals, current struggles or successes – hugely depends on your perspective. Increasing motivation depends on your focus, because your focus changes your attitude and mood.

Try changing your perspective from third to first person, and see if it makes a difference in helping you achieve your life goals.

If you enjoyed Increasing Your Motivation, try:

• How Visualization Works
• Achieving Your Weight Loss Goals
• Inspirational Quotations for Women

School-age children need to eat nutritionally balanced meals to keep their growing brains in optimum condition. Here some of the best brain foods for kids.

Parents who want their children to do well in school can give them a boost by ensuring that they get the proper nutrition to keep brain function in optimum condition. The best diet to keep kids brains and bodies healthy is a balanced one, rich in fruits, vegetables, healthy proteins and whole grains. However, studies have found that some foods are particularly effective in enhancing brain function. Here are some of the best foods for the brain.

1. Oatmeal For Breakfast

Children who eat oatmeal versus cold cereal or no breakfast at all perform better on tasks of memory, according to research findings conducted by Tufts University and sponsored by The Quaker Oats Company. The study found that complex tasks are most affected by the difference in breakfast foods consumed by children. In fact, more than two-thirds of the children performed better on tasks of spatial memory, which is important for math and geography skills, when they ate oatmeal versus no breakfast. And only half the children performed better when they ate ready-to-eat cold cereal versus no breakfast. Oatmeal’s attributes promote slower and prolonged release of glucose into the blood system which enhances cognitive performance.

2. Tuna and Salmon for Intelligence

Tuna and Salmon are the best sources of Omega-3 fatty acids, which are healthy fats. DHA (docosahexaenoic acid) is one of the Omega-3 fatty acids and it is also a major structural component of the retina of the eye. A large number of studies have suggested that low DHA levels are associated with problems with intelligence, vision, and behavior, according to Dr. Alan Greene, a noted pediatrician and author of Raising Baby Green.

3. Nuts and Flaxseed are Smart Too

It may be difficult to get picky eaters to consume tuna or salmon, so feed them walnuts, almonds or flaxseed, which are great sources of Omega-3 fatty acids. It’s easy enough to mix some flaxseed meal into the pancake batter or to put a spoon full of flax oil into a smoothie.

4 Strawberries and Blueberries for Concentration

Fruits and vegetables, which are high in antioxidants, have been linked to improved memory and brain function. Studies have shown that strawberries and blueberries are especially effective and thaht eating them results in improved coordination, concentration and short-term memory.

5. Dried Fruits Keep Kids Alert

Dried fruits are high in iron, which improves mental alertness and energy levels. So parents should pack some trail mix, containing raisins and dried cherries, in their child’s lunch.

6. Yogurt Enhances Learning

Studies show that children eating high calcium foods for breakfast had enhanced behavior and learning. Calcium also helps strengthen bones and help children remain active.

7. Eggs For Remembering

Eggs are rich in choline, which the body uses to produce the neurotransmitter acetylcholine. Researchers at Boston University found that when healthy young adults were given the drug scopolamine, which blocks acetylcholine receptors in the brain, it significantly reduced their ability to remember word pairs. Eggs can also be a good source of Omega-3 fatty acids.

So those are some of the best foods to feed your learning child. What are the worst foods for the brain? Anything that is very high in refined sugars and carbohydrates. According toThe Journal of Pediatrics there is a more pronounced response to a glucose overload in children than in adults, resulting in altered thinking, irritability and hyperactivity. The problem with highly refined sugars and carbohydrates is that they enter the bloodstream quickly and produce more rapid fluctuations in blood glucose levels. The brain doesn't get its steady fuel supply and behavior and learning become more erratic.

Biggest Brain Drains:

• Sugary cereals
• Juices and drinks with high fructose corn syrup
• White bread

 

This article was taken from suite101.com

What role did you play in your school play?

 

I played myself.  No lie.  It was all about improvisation.

 

Anyway, to get to the point of the title...I am currently in Organizational Leadership, a class where we are acting like we are some company trying to sell t shirts.  There are about eight people in this class and four of us are actually working on this project-the rest won't even come over here to see what's going on.  Well, there is this girl who keeps shooting down my ideas (and I hers, to be completely honest).  She is making me sick.  Even her outfit is.  I am just trying to get things done, here.

Have you ever been in such a position?