Terri in this world’s Neighborhood

"Sometimes you lose the battle, but mischief always wins the war."

So, no I am not done blogging.
I just haven't been doing much of it.
I don't really have an explanation.

So in the time from the last blog I made I went camping. No, it wasn't all that great. Yes, I got to see my family and it was beautiful, but I would much rather be in the comfort of my own bed. So I'm not going to dwell too much on that.

The big issue.
First day of school.

So this whole entire summer I have talked about changing myself and how I was going to do that.
The verdict?
You be the judge of that.

Rod Steiger once said - "The most important thing is to be whatever you are without shame."
I feel I have accomplished that this summer.
And I realized that is ultimately all I wanted.

The best audience I ever had made not a single sound at the end of my performance."

So, this blog should be sufficiently awkward considering I haven't wrote one in about FOREVER.

The reason being - well, once again, I don't have one.

I am just really lazy and my time is being consumed into watching mindless Youtube videos and drinking infinite amounts of coffee.

But, I digress.

There still isn't really much to talk about. I am selling my electric guitar though (Thanks to the lovely help of Theresa) and getting an acoustic. I just always thought it sounded better and it was easier to play, but I may be wrong.

On my quest for reinventing myself I have found one thing that I lack - willpower. Though I am trying hard I still seem to lack the motivation I need at times. The main thing I'm focusing on at this point is too push myself a little bit farther. Sometimes I will be running and "He's Going the Distance" by Cake will blast through my headphones and clear out all of my thoughts. It is then, and only then, when a small smile plays on my lips and I feel like I am truly doing this to better myself, and to show everyone that I am smashing my own rear view mirror.

Or, then again, this could all turn into a complete disaster and nothing could change.

I'm hoping it's not the later.

Moving On.

I'M GOING CAMPING! Okay, I just put it in caps lock so maybe I can feel more excited than I really am. But, the thing I am most looking forward to may be that there will be no electricity.

That's right. NO ELECTRICITY. For a week.

I'm kind of excited to be quite honest.

OH JEEZE! I forgot two major things to tell you about.

1) I got a job as a DJ for Private Parties and at the Concession Stand on Friday nights at Munford Park and Rec.

2) I got my drivers license.

Yeah, well those two are pretty much self explanatory as to just how excited I am, so I won't go into detail or brag and whatnot.

And that's all folks.

Because starting today she's never looking back.

I know I haven't updated in about a week or so. The reason for that is kind of because of Youtube. I've been making a lot of Youtube videos, so if you're reading this and you have a Youtube you should subscribe to my videos.

To be honest that's not really the reason why. I've just been really lazy and had nothing really to talk about.
I'm starting my diet tomorrow. I actually started it three weeks ago, but I'm not really good with commitment. Anyway, the way I'm going to try to do it is watch what I eat and my portions and exercise. No sugar, no junk food, no tasty stuff really. Then once a week I'm going to eat nothing but fruit the whole day. I'm thinking it might work, but I'm not really sure.

I didn't do a quote for this blog because I have had this saying in my quote book for a while now and it's the first one in there. It's probably my favorite saying right now because I sort of feel that way.

I don't want to care about my past or what the world perceives me to be.

I've found myself making a lot of lists lately to keep me focused on what I want to achieve out of myself this summer.

I just think it's time for a change. I'm calling it "The Revolution of, well, Me"

Yeah that's like the best summer montage name ever.

I'm sorry this blog stunk.

I've failed as a geek.

"Peace has never come from dropping bombs. Real peace comes from enlightenment and educating people to behave in a more divine manner."

    So, I haven't wrote a blog in about 6 days, and well, that's because I really haven't had anything to say. Summer has begun, so has my transformation process. It's kind of boring to say the most on the situation. I've started my diet/exercise and it hurts. I do 2 miles on the treadmill everyday, then a 15 minute ab workout, and then sometimes laps in the pool. Today I was slacking so I need to jump back in tomorrow.

    I've thought a lot about what version of myself I want to become and I think I want to be the person I was in 8th grade. I had a lot of friends, I was rarely ever sad, I didn't know Zach, and above all, I was who I was and I didn't give a flying fuck who thought differently.

    Not that I care now.

    I just felt like people could sense it more back then.

    So, maybe a more matured version of that, but I digress.

    I realized I like saying ". . . but I digress. . . " It makes me feel smart. Anyway, my summer so far has been pretty boring and excruciatingly lonely. Not that I wasn't lonely before school ended, but so much time alone gives you more time to think, and it also gives you time to look and see that everyone else has a boyfriend or is hanging out with a friend and you're just sitting on your moon chair reading Stephen King and eating a tub of ice cream.
    . . . but I digress. . .

    I've uploaded a lot of Youtube videos to my account, if you haven't already seen them. GO COMMENT by the way because I have no comments.on any of them.period.
    I want to make one right now, but if you haven't seen none of them actually have my face, because I'm scared of the camera a bit, and I don't have much to say. Plus talking to a camera just makes me that much more crazy.

    I'm sure I wanted to talk about something else, but I've forgotten in the span of time between the actual thought, and me writing this.

    For another day, though.

"Art's task is to sace the soul of mankind. Anything less is dithering while Rome burns."

So, I'm back.

Las Vegas was. . . less than fun. It actually scared me. I don't get scared that often, but I did. This was my first time going to the West Coast, and when I got off the plane and breathed in the desert air it was. . . overwhelming to say the least. On the strip people try to get you to buy into all of these things, farther down the strip there are mexicans trying to give you cards with naked ladies on them (cards for prostitutes), and downtown 3 different people asked me for money. It was scary, but cool.

CIMG0588

I didn't get to see The Beatles show because it was too expensive, but I saw Stomp. It was the best show ever. Hands down.

That's pretty much all I really have to say. I am back and kind of relaxed and ready to start a new part of my life without Zach. I'm ready to reinvent myself in the best sense of the word. I'm thinking about going white-ish blonde. We'll see.

Anyway. I uploaded one Youtube video from my trip. I have another one I did with Abby before I left. I may post one today, I'm not sure. I don't really like putting the camera just on me. It freaks me out. But, my Youtube screen name is nickyikes. You should go there and check it out.

I was going to post last night and I had a bunch of stuff to say, but I forgot it all. Maybe I'll remember later.

Well, peace out.

    So I realized I don't have much else to say about the ex-boyfriend.
I only have a couple other things to say about it, so I'll say them right quick, in numerical form.
    1. You don't listen to good music. And you aren't a music expert. You like Killswitch Engage. Don't get me wrong, they're good if you want to score with some Ani-nerd - OH WAIT YOU DO! Plus, don't bash The Beatles (a.k.a The Most Influential Rock Group Known To Man) and think you're going to get into my pants.

    2. You don't read good books. Why not try to read something that isn't about midget elves and dragons on acid.
    3. Go get hit by a bus. FIN

And that's that.

    Now, to more interesting topics.

I haven't really written in a while and that's because. . . exams are here*GASP*
And I go into total freak mode. Especially for Spanish, which in Monday. I need a B to get a B for the 9 weeks. I'm a little scared.

On a lighter note, I think I'm going to start doing VLOG's on Youtube. I have this thing on my camera that is compatible with Youtube, and I want to use it. I won't neglect my Vox, in fact, I think I'll post the VLOG's on here.

And I decided I'm going to do my first couple on location. . . in Las Vegas! What better way to get Youtube views than to visit the city of lights? I thought it was a pretty good idea.

So, I think that's all I've got to say. Adios.

Love takes off masks that we fear we cannot live without and know we cannot live within

   So I've waited too long to write a blog about this
                Way too long.

So the topic of today's blog is going to be about. *DUN DUN DUN DUN* the ex-boyfriend

I don't feel the need or want to say his name for two reasons.
    1) The man I neglect to talk about has been in all our lives, so instead of giving him a name, let's just give him a label so we can all relate.
    2) (This is also the reason I have put off 1 year of facing this conflict) I hate to admit this to myself, but I feel stronger when I don't talk about things like this. It makes me feel like I'm not a typical teenage stereotype. I feel weak when I accept pain or defeat, therefore, I will neglect to give a name to this person to keep my pride and strength in tact, or lack of.

The "ex-boyfriend". We've all met him before, I'm sure. And when we think of "ex- boyfriend" it is usually the equivalent of using Voldemort's name - it's better left unsaid. Anyway, I am talking about my "ex- boyfriend" today because he's been prancing around giving me dirty looks and pretending I don't even exist if at all possible, even though we spent over a year in a non-committed relationship.

It's not my fault you're annoying. It's not my fault I think it's creeping you like to hear me breathing on the phone. It's not my fault you had oral sex with some baloogah whale. It's not my fault you flirt with basically anything that moves.

It's also not my fault that you called me one night and said "Well, uhh, people have been telling me you're not worth it, and I'm starting to agree with them."

Boy, you really know how to make someone cry.

And having the audacity to, after 2 months of not speaking to me, tell me that I'M PROBABLY TRYING TO START SOMETHING WITH YOU?!?!?

You must be out of the small mind you have, if any at all.

And another thing - You'll never get my art!! Don't even try!! You won't get my stories, or my jokes, or my paintings, or my poems, or the purpose for why I do things. You brain is too cluttered with porn and how you're going to win over your next victim who falls into your annoying cuddle death trap. I mean let's face it, you aren't smart. Come on, the best excuse you have is "I don't know" and you've already used it about a thousand times. Including why you had oral sex with baloogah whale.

PHEW

Well, I'm going to have to make this blog into a two-parter. I am really tired and I want to watch Family Guy.
But until then, when you see "ex-boyfriend" you should tell him to read my blog.
Watch out for part two.

Do or do not, there is no try.

So, I realize I haven't updated in a couple of days. You see, I got my computer taken away. Well, not really my computer, just my computer screen, and there is no computer without the screen so, of course, no computer. The reason I got my computer taken away was from what my parents see as a sin in the devil's eyes.

Clothes. all over my floor.

Yes, this is true. So, I won't get my screen back until Sunday. It's been really theraputic, actually. I'm allowed to use the downstairs computer, which is what I'm doing right now. I tried to resist, and not update for a week, but obviously I'm too weak to do so. So here I sit, telling noone the events of this week.

London

Now, you might be asking yourself "Why does Nicky have a picture of London on the side of her blog?" The awnser?

I'm going there.

In 2010. For a drama institute thing. For drama society.

You cannot fathom the excitement that is currently giving me indegestion.

Of course, it's so far away from now, but it's a lot of money to go. 3,000 dollars to be exact. An extra 300 if we want to stay in Paris for 2 extra days. But it's worth it. Every single penny is worth it. We plan on doing a lot of fundraisers. And since Kelsey, Vice President of Fundraising, will be leaving us to go to Brighton **cough cough gay** Taylor, Greg, and I have decided to form the coolest triumvirate since Octavious, Antony, and Messalus (was it Messalus?). Anyway, I'm just totally excited.

On a side note - never ride home with Greg. I never knew what his idea of humor was, until he decided to try to give me a heart attack by stopping his mini-van abruptly, then swirving into the middle of the road.

Thoughts of you are consuming me

Like the freshly read pages of a book I call my life

It's not an unique one

Just a poor excuse for something to pass the time

Pages are flipped and memories of the last page fade

I keep scratching my sweating palms but I can't feel
the burning sensation you get after a usual itch

Maybe it's because you drew all of it out of me

Some say there's only one passion more uncontrollable than love

revenge

And I sincerely hope I find out what they are talking about

Love sought is good, but given unsought is better.

So, yes today was alright. We found out who got into Cougar Vision today and guess what?

I didn't make it.

:(. . .
ALRIGHTY! I'M OVER IT!

Well, as much as I would have loved to make it into Cougar Vision, I am happy for all of the Juniors that made it. I think they totally deserved it. Me and Gregory took today to slow motion walk past Mrs. Roy's room and pouted, so I think we're pretty much over it.
Yeah, so now that I'm not in it I don't think I'm going to slow down any. I decided to take Katrina's offer and be DUN DUN DUN DUN - vice president of the Environmental Club (if things permit). I'm excited about that. Also, this gives me more room to do the winter play. All in all I'm excited about next year, Cougar Vision or no Cougar Vision.

So now it's back to basics. LESS THAN 2 WEEKS LEFT OF SCHOOL! I figured that out today, and like a lump kind of formed in my throat. I don't know why, but it kind of scared me. There were so many things this year I wish I could have changed. And in the end I'm just ready to escape this place and this year.

I think I'm ready to leave this year behind, because I feel that it's time to demolition my life with a wrecking ball. I'm thinking that a total 360 change is in order for myself, and I hope to pull it off before our junior year.

I was reading in the yearbook yesterday, and I didn't know that sitting on the floor of the gym during activities was a privilege.  I'm just throwing that out there.

Note to self: Pizza fingers make for a greasy keyboard.